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Befriend Non-Bm and Women

November 4, 2010

I have observed that Black Women tend to stay in our own lane to our own detriment.

Rarely do you see Black Women hanging out with friends that are non-Black, regardless of gender. However, it is fairly common for me to come across Black men who travel in multi-“racial” social circles.


This leads me to wonder why is this so? Are other “races” afraid of making friends (and I mean real friends – not just co-workers who may sit at the same lunch table. I’m talking about hanging out together outside of work, going to each other’s houses and inviting each other places!) or are Black Women the problem? Are we not open, approachable, uncomfortable or are we submitting some type of subliminal signals to other groups of people that proclaim loudly like the “BACK OFF!” Tazmanian Devil bumper stickers, that when it comes to the friend zone outsiders are not welcome?

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way trying to suggest Black Women should not have Black friends, or in any way trying to insinuate non-Black friends are better than Black. I’m just saying, if we [Black Women] would come out of our box and intermingle with other people I am sure this would do a lot to clear up the stereotypes that many people have about us and don’t forget the fringe benefits that come with having a mult-racial group of friends *they can introduce you to men and Non-BM are more inclined to approach you when they know you are open and have no hang-ups about race*.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. November 4, 2010 11:45 pm

    black women would do well to join different social circles! Many stay in black neighborhoods, have black friends, go to black clubs, attend black churches, travel to black places like the caribbean, etc. May WORK with “others” but then not really become close and then there’s the often mean face “don’t bother me” that many have on because they are used to being harassed. None of that is really boding well for a great social life

  2. SS permalink*
    November 5, 2010 4:23 am

    You hit the mark with that comment. I just wish more of us would follow our male counterparts lead and get out more [that is putting ourselves out there]. We have to find a way to be comfortable with other people from different backgrounds instead of just “sticking with our own”…

    • November 5, 2010 5:42 am

      especially since sticking with our own has us squarely at the BOTTOM

    • ann permalink
      December 24, 2010 5:31 pm

      For most of us it is hard to do when you have people questioning your race loyalty. For the most part black men do not have go through the questioning. We have to be brave and venture out.

  3. November 5, 2010 5:40 am

    i just found your blog & i’ve decided i love it.

    also, one of my life goals is to create more diversity in the media, so i plan on visiting this site a lot. i need all the support, ideas, and inspiration i can get.

    • SS permalink*
      November 5, 2010 5:55 am

      Hi there! Thanks for your kind words. I don’t write nearly as often as I would like to but I’m glad you are enjoying the blog so far. I support you on your goal – some people think it’s a lofty one, but we you are a woman after my own heart!

  4. RenKiss permalink
    March 7, 2011 4:38 am

    I agree with you. I’m black but I’m always open to meet people from different cultures, though that’s probably because I have an interest in other cultures. Especially since more black women are attending college, it’s a great opportunity to meet people from different ethnicities and such. A good way to do that, is to attend cultural events. 😛

    Nice blog by the way. 🙂

  5. Tara N. permalink
    September 13, 2011 3:34 am

    I’m a black woman who has pretty much zero black friends (I had one, but she moved away, and we only communicate over Facebook every now and then). The vast majority of my friends are white, followed by Asian, then Hispanic (if we’re calling that a race). The same goes for my little sister.

    Still, I know what you mean. My two older sisters seem to only have black friends, although this wasn’t always the case. When they were younger (little kids through teens), they had all different races of friends. I guess it has to do with our tastes and beliefs. Where I live, it’s harder to find black kids who are into the kinds of things I like.

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